So, I’m gonna be really honest right now.
I like to keep all my social media platforms pretty positive. Nothing drives me more crazy then seeing the same person complain about the same thing over, and over, and over again. I know you know of someone just like that. Annoying, isn’t it? So, I try not to be that person. I like to think of myself as someone who has pretty good insight based on my life experience and I enjoy sharing it because there was a time I didn’t, and I liked having someone to look at who did. I think, at times, I may come off a little preachy or like I know more than I actually do though.
I don’t. My life isn’t ‘perfect.’ I don’t have it all put together.
I’m not sure how the outside world views me but my guess is it’s probably very different then how I really am.
I stress easily. When I’m stressed I cry and when I cry I usually love some chocolate, despite being committed to being a healthy person. I worry about money. A lot. I am disappointed I don’t have a career. But I get mad thinking even if I had a career when would I have time to go to it? Just the thought of possible daycare or regular babysitting already makes me feel incredibly guilty. I get overwhelmed with being a single mom. I get a good amount of help which in return makes me feel selfish for being overwhelmed. Some days I wish nap time lasted all day long. Other days, I wish I could afford to drop everything and fly us all out to Florida for the weekend. I can’t. I can’t afford to get both of them new beds right now without putting my savings in a place that I don’t feel comfortable with. And because I can’t, I feel like I’ve failed them in some way. Some major way, a way that will scar them for life and they will grow up wishing everything about their childhood was different. Yes, I can be dramatic. And I’m a little (or a lot) OCD, depending on the situation.
The list goes on…and on, and on, and on.
With a lot of work, I’ve learned we are exactly where we need to be. I wholeheartedly believe this despite anything (and some days, EVERYTHING) I’m not completely satisfied with. But spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically I am where I need to be which comes back to why I post a lot of positive stuff. Positivity breeds positivity, we all know this. But we all have moments of being unhappy and giving into self-pity, I did last night. I was overwhelmed with some of the things on my plate and temporarily remembered when I wasn’t a single mom. When I had two sets of hands helping with bedtime and cleaning up and paying bills and everything in between. But it was a quick moment of feeling sorry for myself and then it passed. I let it go and didn’t think about it until I was cleaning up the kids’ room quickly and found a paper on the ground.
Life’s little reminder that I need to count my blessings and give thanks for the life I have. For the two beautiful, healthy, funny, smart and also loud, talkative, forgetful, and some times defiant little children I have. And to remind me I am doing the best I can and it’s enough. It won’t always be easy but it will always be enough.
And I think she’s right, we are good together ❤