To love purely, fully and selflessly in a world that teaches us that happiness is everything but is very hard.
In a world where we are taught (the illusion of) love is power, greed, money, control and my personal favorite, vanity, it becomes an increasingly difficult task to find genuine happiness, with ourselves and with others. When we allow our happiness to become a result of a certain person or certain behavior (or both!) we become codependent on something outside of ourselves.
Well, I’m no spiritual guru, but I think the point of life is to find unattached love.
I’ve gone through enough to understand what it’s like be attached to something or someone in order to be happy. In so many ways I wasn’t willing to admit how controlling I had become to sustain an idea of happiness. I was very unassertive and passive but was both ways with a purpose in mind- to control how people felt about me. To be liked. It wasn’t until I looked at my intentions, my behaviors and put the focus back on ME, instead of other people in my life, that I started the process of finding unattached love.
Loving yourself isn’t always easy but that’s where it starts. It sounds kinda corny and unimportant but it’s the most powerful thing you can do for yourself. It’s how you disconnect your idea of happiness with other people, a job, your dream home or fame & fortune. If you like to be in control of things then the irony here is great. When you let go of your need to control everything you become more in control of your life than ever before.
I was doing my dishes last week and my mind started to wander. I realized in that moment I was generally happy. Not everything in my life is where I’d like it to be- hell, I’m living in a little apartment, basically living paycheck to paycheck with one savings account. I don’t really have a career and I’m striving to be a working singer/actor. Life isn’t “perfect” but I’m happy. I’m happy with who I’ve become despite having the odds stacked against me. And when you’re truly happy you can love and give in a way that reaps no benefits. You can accept life as it is without needing or wanting to control any sort of outcome.
I’m not on this journey of awareness and enlightenment because it’s easy or noble or always fun. I consciously put forth effort to be a better version of myself because I have no other choice. There is something inside that keeps telling me to fight and to ignore that would be to deny who I am. Plus, I have two little people who look up to me.
A smart, emotional and thoughtful little girl who feel asleep so quickly tonight and a little boy who came out of their room and told me he wanted to give me a hug.
Then said, “This hug’s not over yet….it will never be over, Mommy.”
To love so freely like that is my inspiration.